Fear and panic transmission and the hypocratic tangle

We are all prejudiced and we are all hypocrites too. Where we cause most harm to each other is when we lose control of our emotions and feed the negative ones the most. There are times when we are right to be concerned but in doing so become susceptible to panic attacks. Panic attacks do not in themselves kill us but the more we dwell on our troubles the more severe our judgement over what is good for us gets impaired.

The solution as ever is simple. We need to take a step back from our personal situation to gain a more realistic perspective about the situation as a whole. It is true that things are concerning, but not as bad as they could be. The majority of people on this gorgeous planet are not dead. The sun still shines and the rain still falls to enable food to grow to feed us.

It is undeniably harder for those with more than us to have fewer concerns but there is always someone working through far greater trauma than we are because we are individuals with very different fears as to what it the worst that can happen. For some, dying of dementia is the worst, for others it's cancer while sadly, someone else is dying of starvation, Ebola or from torture.

The thing we need to focus on most are all the days we were not suffering in this way and the prospect of those days returning. Then we start to facilitate the means by which such dreams can become possible for ourselves and by ourselves as individuals. The more relaxed we can be and the more we look for the opportunities to make things work from what we already have that does still work the easier it starts to get. But it is hard work and continuous work too.

We all have bad days, tired days, frustrated days and it can all too easily seem that every day is like that but that is merely our perception of things at that moment and it is never entirely true if we choose not to view things that way.

Those with close family and friends can find that easier than those who have none, but even some people with no support from others can find it much easier than those with hundreds of contacts because they are less likely to get muddled and confused by other people's opinions and fears.

"Fear itself is a demon. 

Fear wants us to follow its instructions all the time."

The smart thing to do is to not let fear in. Fear is merely a lack of control over our own perception of things. It is right that we have that emotion because there are dangerous things to avoid but therein lies the answer. Avoid the danger in the first place. If people are confusing you, find someone who doesn't that does not preach or teach harm or hatred or... just ignore them. Let them deal with their fears their way to leave you to deal with yours your way which we hope is to note it as maybe something you might need to be aware of but not to dwell on it as your top priority for now.

"Fear's instructions should only ever be followed
in a genuine life or death threatening situation."

As soon as the immediate danger is past we enter a state of shock which in itself can all too easily lead to panic and more fear that is not based on reality at all, but based in perception. We often trick ourselves into believing we are in more peril than we actually are.

Luckily our emergency services know what to do if we play our part in following their instructions to the letter at that point. When we fail to listen to instructions that lead us to safety we make matters much worse for both ourselves and them. This is why we recommend relaxation so that our natural instincts will kick in as and when they are required to so that we can return to a state of stability far more often and frequently. That way we can enjoy our lives and have happier and healthier ones too.

Most people have heard the term transference and we transmit alarm signals far quicker with our non-verbal senses than we do by any other means - just like any other species in fact. In common with them all we also then explain when, what and where the danger is using language. What we don't currently do is then fall silent to be on the alert for an even bigger danger. In these troubling times it is necessary now to do so, while helping in our communities those who are unable to switch back to standard alert mode quickly.

Physiologically what is happening is that a rush of signals and chemicals whizz round our brains because we are in danger and most people have metabolisms that reset everything quickly given the chance. It's the discussions of every concern in our frantic lives that has become the problem now. Let emergency teams come and ask you for more details, let them do the analysis straight after any upset from anything. Give yourself time to remember more details to help them further and it becomes a much clearer picture than if you try to blurt out everything in one go anyway. Your responses will be less clouded by emotions then which is good news because it means you yourself have recovered from that one incident and are already ready to continue as normal again but primed to respond a bit better should another emergency occur.

The great news is that even severe and critical conditions are greatly eased by learning to relax and switch to making the most of life all by yourself... so long as you're not upsetting anyone else in the process that is. Be respectful of all as you never know what troubles they may have. They might be working on how to save your life for all any of us actually know. Too much noise and fuss is hardly going to help them to think straight, is it?

This article has two pictures of trees. The second is clearly a tree, but the first one has had some human alternations to make it appear more interesting as if it wasn't fascinating enough. Our species has to make some alterations in order to ensure no species takes over everything. It's the same with our own cultures. We're great when we tinker about to make things work a bit better most of the time. It's only when we all decide that we can do much better if we change everything all at once that our species hits brick walls which seem impossible to overcome.

Even so, during major overhauls it always comes down to tinkering with the tiniest of details to make things work best of all for everyone and everything. As a species we've been doing this for centuries, it is time we did so with less fuss and panic. It saves lives by saving time, energy and a great deal of totally unnecessary distress to. We can but do what we can but do.

The whole of life on Earth is a tangled mesh of paradoxes like these because it is so varied. It is what makes it magical, beautiful and worth living for too though. So... enjoy the best of it and work through the rest of it even when it isn't so pleasant because actually, for most of us, that part of life is but a tiny fraction of the whole of our experiences on Earth.  

Three Little Pyrite Pigs

Pyrite is also known as fool's gold and the little pigs we all seem to fall foul of are far from little. In the fairytale wolf tries to invade the houses of three pigs. One house is made of straw and the wolf blows it away to get at the pig inside. The second pig makes his home out of sticks and the wolf succeeds by huffing and puffing in blowing that in too.  The third pig builds his home out of brick, but the wolf cannot huff and puff enough to succeed in demolishing a brick house, so the pig (or pigs, depending on which version of the story you go with) remain safe inside.

Wise Wolves

It's sometimes tricky using metaphors to explain things as the word pig has associations with greed and muck. So one analogy of this simple fairy tale might be that the wolf is a hero forcing the pigs to think more sensibly about what they want from life in order to be happy and safe. In such an interpretation it would be easy to view mental health teams as wolves with their nagging and eternal checks on every aspect of our existence until the time comes when their help is not required. 

No one likes to be analysed in such an intensive way, even if it is for our own well being. The process can and often does encourage us to blurt out everything and dwell on our nastiest memories and worst behaviours and this can result in new bad habits forming; much depends on how experienced the mental health practitioners are. If we are not careful we can become addicts to being ill as it is often easier than fighting the stigma, ignorance and prejudice of the rest of society. 

Luckily the days of ending up in a mental health hospital on anyone's hearsay are gone in the UK. It now takes three people to agree on any one person needing hospitalisation under the Mental Health Act of 1983. All have to be highly qualified. Once in hospital, it is likely to take a team of four or more people to get one patient well enough to return home. They usually include a psychiatrist, a GP (doctor), a psychologist, a Community Psychiatric Nurse and a Social Worker. Other medical staff can include nursing staff in the hospital and a variety of therapists or counsellors. All of them can seem as if they are the enemy with their prying questions which often get repeated by way of checking up on your progress.

Unfortunately there are still old school thinkers about among medical staff, but they are steadily decreasing in number thanks to brave sufferers that refuse to be spoken to as if they are already lobotomised. In all cases staff and patients must be able to 'click' for any treatment to work. Staff cannot help those that 'confess' what they are thinking, feeling or doing that might be at the root of the suffering. No one can, but much relies upon staff listening carefully and thoroughly to what any patient finds so distressing. It is interesting to note that the mentally ill are seldom unable to function at something. However, while we continue to live in a world where the mentally ill are largely unwelcome, few are given the chance to function in society at all.

Pyrite Pigs

For the purposes of this article the pigs are the addictions that we are all susceptible to. They are the behaviours of people rather than the people themselves and with aggressive marketing techniques forever bombarding us all it is little wonder that people become disturbed, confessed, stressed and anxious. They are not little pigs at all, they are huge as there is no escaping them in mainstream society for they govern just about every aspect of our lives. Rather than think of ourselves as pigs, we should be thinking in terms of a 'pig of a problem' to overcome.

According the latest thinking among the good guys and gals of psychiatry (i.e. those that actually listen and work with the mentally ill and not dictate to them), everyone is suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder and everyone is on the autistic scale too. It is just a matter of to what level and over what that can herald problems. One the best ways to illustrate this is to look at what we spend our money on.  

This little piggy is money

In the developed world we shop for our joys quite literally. Here’s a brief list of some of the things we spend our money on in order to reward ourselves to make our lives more comfortable, stimulating and of course pleasurable. 

Food, clothes and shoes, sports, games, crafts, books, specific interests (e.g. the history or mechanics), holidays, relaxation, alcohol, socialising, gambling, donating to charities, clubs and societies, business advice and events, illegal drugs, investments, cars, homes, tobacco, technology and the latest must have thing or experience.

Of these none of these treats are safe in excess.

People who do not have money or very little of it do not have those “cheer up” options. They will also seldom have much in the way of connections to support them by way of family, friends, neighbours or colleagues at work or indeed information with regard to support services which are already stretched. Hence we have all manner of charities and community initiatives to try to save those that would otherwise fall through the nets like a kind of holding pen for when professional support is freed up. It is debatable if it is enough while we remain in a recession especially when so many services have been whittled down to only offer crisis services. All support is also utterly pointless if people’s trust in the system has been betrayed, or if people do not or will not share what troubles them. In a recession, retail therapy is a high risk game to play if you do not stick to a manageable budget.

When any of us are depressed or low in mood our behaviours change to compensate us for being of low mood. Some will look for something to cheer themselves up (called the distraction technique in psychology). This can include an increase in our spending on items we find in shops and on sale on the internet, as well as an increase in our social and work activities. 

In moderation that is never anything to worry about, in excess it is.

This bigger piggy is power

It is surprising how few people even know or have thought of why people turn to alcohol and illegal drugs given how stressful the life can be at times. Put simply they do so to escape their sufferings without thinking about what it will end up costing them health wise, financially and socially with regard to stigma and prejudice. Thereby they end up reducing their chances of ever getting support exponentially. It is often the exact same behaviour that normal people engage in when they are having an off colour day but in excessive proportion; the difference is that that proportion is out of control. Some illegal drugs, such as cocaine can result in a person feeling invincible when in fact nothing could be further from the truth. When we turn to heavy weight drug abuse we are on the road to destroying everything good we already have.

Power can be addictive too. Those who have it generally fall into two distinct categories; philanthropists and do their best to give back to the community, and those who become so addicted to accumulating wealth that they become harmful to our societies and communities while becoming increasingly dissatisfied with everything around them. We often think of the latter as psychopaths or sociopaths but it isn’t the soul domain of the wealthy to be psychopaths. Not being permitted to care about anyone for long enough can result in even the poorest person not caring. Corporate psychopaths are by far the most damaging as they usually care so little that thousands suffer as a result of their business practices which can be brutal, vicious and dictatorial. 

There would be no need to place a cap on any income if it was law that businesses as well as individuals must give back to the community – punishment for failing to do so could be a cap on income and level of responsibility instead of what is currently and commonly the reverse. Surely we collectively have wit enough to make that happen without any need to totally ruin that person’s life forever. Make it compulsory for such people to see a psychologist and we would minimise the risk of millions suffering while and helping them at the same time.

In the middle of rich and poor we have the ordinary folk who get sucked into things they think they need in order to reach the upper echelons of society and who end up having to field the extremes of those at the top of tree and those who are poor, often destitute and above all desperate. Keeping up with the Joneses is a power game.

Everyone makes mistakes but when anyone is disallowed to function sufficiently it leads to resentment, deep unhappiness and ultimately huge problems for the individual, those who know them and for our societies. A maxim from the world of business and industry that is thankfully beginning to catch on is:

 “Look after the others and the others will take care of you”. 

It has been proved and is proving to work. Joseph Rowntree (look him up on Wikipedia) in the 19^th century proved it by not only providing its labour force work, but also homes, education and access to basic health care.

This biggest piggy it the hardest piggy of all - relationships 

If the first pig is money and the second pig is power then the third pig is the hardest and toughest of all - relationships. 


As individuals all of us have a degree of responsibility to correct our own and group behaviours. None of us can do it alone, but together we might be able to make a far happier and fairer world. How and where do we even begin to start? Who and what do we start with?

We start by acknowledging our most basic of instincts is to survive as a species. In order to survive most of us are governed my the desire to have sex and sexual relationships can be the trickiest of all to get just right. Sexual relationships are so complicated that it warrants a separate article. Here though it is enough to note that impressing the person who is the target of our dreams often leads us to shop 'til we drop or push ourselves career wise. Some argue that having many sexual partners is the only way they can be happy, however while that may be fine for them it is seldom fine for all their sexual partners. Promiscuity often causes many long term damage. 

To get any relationship right requires consideration, communication that is clear and up to date and acknowledgement of everyone's right to be themselves. This applies within our social and work circles and most of all in our relationships with our families.

When it comes to relationships is it less a question of “Is it something you can change in that person”, more a question of "Am I being fair to that person?" when tensions run high. Then we need to think about “Do I want to do something about it, yes or no?” Therein lies the key. Do we? For without that desire to consider other people's needs and change for the better nothing can ever change for the better.

This is at the crux of mental health as no medical team on this planet can change anyone. We have to be resolute in wanting to ditch what makes us unhappy in the first place that is within ourselves rather than enter into blaming everyone else. If others are that damaging to you - leave. Get support to do so if you need to.

Next is to identify in precise and minute detail what it is that we want to change about ourselves, then what to and only afterwards comes the how, who to seek support from, when and so on. This process is the same whether we are trying to overcome difficulties in any type of relationship or emotional distress.

We will never stand a cat in hell’s chance to get the formula right while we are bickering and competing for attention or being in anyway emotional. We need to don our thinking hats first, however, often we need another outlet for our emotions first before our thinking hat can sit comfortably without pinching or giving us a headache. 

We need to communicate, calmly, clearly and coherently which sadly is not usually the domain of people who are desperate for help, but the first step toward helping anyone recover is to listen first to what isn’t or hasn’t worked isn’t it? That way we identify exactly what it is that needs sorting. When we are mentally well we are all capable of this. When we are concerned for others we do this whether we are well or not, so it follows that we could be doing this more of the time when we are ill. That little bit of difference can in the long run make the biggest difference of all.

“Where there’s a will there’s a way.” 

There is no person or section of society that is without risk to their mental well being. The latest thinking in mental health circles is that "We are all potentially a car crash waiting to happen.” To put it another way – life’s a lottery and instead of thinking why me, what we should be thinking is why shouldn’t it be me that suffers next? What am I doing to prevent this happening to me or my loved ones? We already do this with regard to many physical ailments, diseases and illnesses, but seldom stop to think about what we can do to prevent the most important organ in our bodies - our brains.

Our brains define who we are and they are the control centre for everything else. If we can master it to adopt a helpful attitude to combat whatever life may throw at us, then wouldn't we also be equipping ourselves to overcome whatever we perceive to be the worst happening? 

The Emperor's Clothes

The story of the Emperor's new clothes is this: An Emperor is conned into buying the most wonderful new suit of clothes by a couple of con merchants and none of the Emperor's entourage has the courage to tell him that actually there is nothing there. The clothes are not invisible, the do not exist. The only person who is brave enough to say so is a small boy, and more or less, that is where to story ends depending on which version you read.

If we translate that into our real world the Emperor could be an organisation, an employer, a powerful or influential person, a boss, a parent or just someone everyone else adores. The small boy would be anyone of disadvantage and/or anyone who just, out of sheer innocence or ignorance of what the Emperor believes, speaks out. When we talk about such Emperor's in the real world though, these clothes are not new at all.

"An error does not become truth by reason 
of multiplied propagation, nor does truth 
become error because nobody sees it. " 
Gandhi

1. Imagine if you will, that you are being bullied at work.

2. Imagine you are being stalked or suffering from physical, psychological, sexual or financial abuse. 

3. Imagine you have a brilliant solutions for a problem.

4. Take another scenario that you fear that someone is at risk of committing suicide and you are a child that no one will listen to.

5. Imagine you are unemployed and your benefits have been stopped for no legitimate reason.

6. Imagine that you have not been paid your wages by a multinational company and you are of low rank in the organisation.

7. Imagine that you cannot not communicate and/or have no communication devices and you have serious problems that you need help with.

8. Imagine that you are starving or homeless.

9. Imagine you are stranded and do not know where help is to be found because there is no information or signposts to it.

Now imagine you are any of the above and have (or have had) a mental illness that you openly tell people about. What do you think your chances are of being heard properly or taken seriously are?

British Law changed in October 2010 by way of the Equality Act. The Equality Act seeks to eradicate ALL prejudice without any indication as to how it is to be done. It may now be illegal in the UK, but it supplies no indication of how it is to be upheld. The only way to find out is to enter into a long winded, expensive and extremely stressful litigation action. (You take the culprit to court) where your opponent still has the advantage because it usually has the money and the contacts to discredit you totally - hardly fair, hardly just.

There are numerous organisations out there that can help in theory, but alarmingly they have all been hit extremely hard by recent cuts from the government, they include: Mind, Rethink, ACAS, Citizens Advice Bureau and even access to legal aid has been cut. Good intent can be far more damaging than the most malicious of intentions if it is not properly implemented and thought through.

The process is made all the more difficult when it is a powerful organisation or government department, e.g. a bereaved person on benefits that I know of was subjected to stoppage after stoppage after stoppage for two years with no reason. When they finally got an appointment to sort it out at a job centre, the member of staff said "Yes, gosh, it is in a mess isn't it? But I haven't got time to sort it today and I'm on holiday for month tomorrow." It took two years to get it sorted via the Parliamentary Ombudsman (you need to go via your MP for that) and the outcome was: that the DWP was at fault but that as the person was bereaved it didn't merit any compensation, not even so far as their credit rating being restored. 

As indicated in my article of last month, even the health care sector itself has insufficient safeguards and knowledge of how to prevent mental illness among its own staff and if that is the case then what hope is there for anyone else understanding the need of the mentally ill to be heard and more to the point, understood and helped?

There is something very important to consider here...

10. Imagine that you are so mentally ill that you are imagining any of the above.

Therein lies the nub of the problem when it comes to providing support for anyone with signs of mental illness and sadly there are people who will lie to get what they want even at the expense of honest folk e.g. women who pretend they have been raped who in my opinion, need psychiatric intervention in addition to a prison sentence. Fortunately such cases are rare but because they exist at all it causes damage in the form of genuinely distressed and desperate people not being heard and not being helped, whether they are in need of a living allowance, need of an advocate such as a lawyer or need of a doctor's appointment.

However, I would rather risk the occasional fraudster receiving support than risk a genuine person in need ever going without it as it literally costs lives and seriously jeopardises their chance of anything like a quality of life. This includes taking someone seriously to begin with even when you suspect they are imagining things or lying. Why? Because if you don't you might be wrong and there are ALWAYS ways to corroborate the truth. There are always evidence to prove or disprove anything. 

You do not have to be mentally ill to be treated unfairly, but once you have been so treated the likelihood is that you will be mentally ill for a very long time with all manner of trust issues if nothing else.

I am currently off work with work related stress and our Human Resources Department expects me to attend an Occupational Health assessment while I am ill. If I was a scaffolder with leg in plaster this would not happen and during such an absence the cause of the accident would be investigated and the risk reduced. Not so when it comes to stress at work which in itself is a form of mental illness. What is worse is that anyone with any mental health history has it continually raked over, dredged up as soon as they mention they are unhappy. Everything about that person is in question.

If a ‘normal’ person were to be subjected to the same treatment, then (call me crazy for this one), but I have a hunch they would end up with serious mental health problems. We will never prevent mental illness when the world continues to rake up everything that is painful to ANY individual. 

And what of the little boy who shouts that “the Emperor has no clothes!” sadly, whether you are mentally ill or not, if you don’t have means and you don’t have solid connections the reaction will most likely be one of resentment and intense wrath. No one likes it when it is pointed out that they have been foolish, far less those who have power. When that is done so publicly, as it is in the story of the Emperor’s New Clothes, and indeed in real life throughout the media, then guess what? The Emperor suffers mental anguish as a result i.e. mental illness.

"The most potent weapon of the oppressor 
is the mind of the oppressed." 

Steven Biko 

I have always advocated that anyone with a mental health history who wishes to speak out needs to do so anonymously to protect themselves, particularly when they are low, are poor and when they have no one to defend them. I’d like to update that. I would now highly recommend that for anyone who is not in a position of power with regard to any situation at all.

The real world is a troubled one. It is riddled with hypocrisy and it only takes a few, a very few to spoil this beautiful planet of ours. So it is wise, if not essential to be cautious, to be wary and if that means you need to be paranoid to keep yourself safe from harm, then be that too, but still speak out or we can never hope to rectify anything at all – just do it safely.

Take your time to trust people, choose your words carefully and your tone of voice and wherever possible only speak out about your issues when you are calm, fed, well rested and when the emotions are largely out of the way first so that you can think clearly enough to communicate. “We are never in control when we are angry” is something I have been reminded of recently and how true it is.

The exception is the professional teams who are there to help you (when you find a good one). With them write down what you need. Write down what you do not need. And only afterwards write down what has happened. That way you will begin to understand how to fix whatever it is that has gone wrong.

We can never remedy anything without facing it and we all make mistakes but it is very much what we do about them and in the how we fix them as well as who helps that really makes the difference. A former GP of mine said, “Do not dismiss support from unlikely sources as just occasionally they can be the very thing you were looking for.”

Luckily my new doctor is turning out to be fabulous, so fabulous in fact that he promises to read this blog site and being head of the practice, he’s already had a word with the receptionist that I found so exasperating. So you see, you can get help if you are prepared to want it enough and fight for it enough. Though I must say, it comes to something when you have to know more than those who are supposed to be experts, (not that it applies to my new doc).

But what of the little boy in the story? What can he learn? He would be far safer to say “Is the Emperor wearing any clothes? Where is the proof?” And to do so privately, or send a note to the Emperor although even that may all to easily result in terrible retributions. Far better then to ensure that he has people to defend and protect him first before saying anything at all.

"We think sometimes that poverty is only 
being hungry, naked and homeless. 
The poverty of being unwanted, 

unloved and uncared for is 
the greatest poverty."
Mother Teresa

I am angry with the world and the older I get the shorter my fuse and the angrier I get with all it's very human errors which I make too because I am product of this world just as much as anyone else - but I refuse to take the blame for all it's mistakes on my own. I own up to mine and do my best to rectify them as soon as I can. Why doesn't everyone? It amounts to about 200,000 thousand years of human errors so far according to the Smithsonian Institute, somewhat shorter if you believe in God but its still between 2-6 thousand years. The trouble with anger is that it ultimately only ever serves to destroy those who are angry. The remedy to that is never to act when one is angry but to let those feelings run their course away from others and subside. If there is a God then surely we should focus on the ethics and not the origin of our species to get the recipe right, because either you cut it ethics is the key to us all being able to co-exist peacefully.

I can only hope that all Emperors (and Empresses for that matter) have the good sense to listen to small children some day and that that day will be very soon for all of us. I hope too, and firmly believe that honourable people will always say thank-you, sorry, make amends and recompense those injured of their own volition and will do so privately for what is their part in causing such misery and suffering. What is so often the case is the errors made are nothing more than a silly, petty error of judgement which we all are and can be guilty of. When all is said and done, it is the con men that pretend to be tailors beyond compare that ought to be reigned in, if not punished... is it not?

We are all complicit when allowing the con men of this world to get away with their villainy - the courtiers, the general public and the little boys who see the truth but say nothing. High time I think, that the whole world stopped and thought about what advice it is actually seeking, who from and why they are seeking it; as well as what its aims are, and how to sensibly and above all, safely, proceed.

"The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
Gandhi

I could cite hundreds of pearls of wisdom if not thousands from around the globe, from every century, from every culture, race and religion and age group on this planet but I'll close with this final quote from a man that managed to save three lives that we know of. Just three but if we could all do that then there would be no unnecessary anger or deaths. We can never eradicate death or suffering. People die of natural causes, from disasters as well as from malicious intent and silly errors but we can certainly minimise the risks if we keep fighting to get that little bit closer to increasing compassion for those that are left behind trying to fight. With compassion comes a little bit more sense, a little bit more humanity and above all else... HOPE for absolutely everyone.

"Let's work the problem people. Let's not make things worse by guessing." Gene Kranz

I have a hunch Gene Kranz's words have just saved a few hundred more lives... if not more.

PS: I have to confess that the last three articles in particular have had a lot of input from others for me to be able to write them. Sadly I have, since writing this article learnt of someone who is so traumatised by the DWP benefit system that they are selling their belongings to get money to buy food as they refuse to go back on benefits. I used to be proud of being British, today I am not. 
I would particularly like to thank an anonymous retired psychologist in Australia for their support at this time, not least for giving me the courage to continue to write. As before, early signs are America is reading and the UK is disinterested. OK it's a bigger country, but this is a UK problem right? Or is it quite possible global?

Please do not expect me to blog for a while... I feel the need to rest, but if it's that important...

Thank you for reading and caring enough to do so.

Attack can be the best form of defence

It may surprise readers to learn that, in certain circumstances, I believe attack can be the best form of defence, in that it's fine to flag up mistakes made by others, but we stand a better chance of getting a lot further if we use our anger and frustration constructively and channel it into something productive.

Following on from my last two posts, no one can learn from mistakes if they are not aware that they have made them. Good business practise is to learn from complaints to improve things as I hope I made clear in Instances to Stigma. So those Human Resources and Occupational Health Departments and the individuals concerned that gave me such a hard time have just such an opportunity as do the enterprises concerned. It's also a few years since all that happened, so maybe they already have. Remember it's best not assume when we don't have enough facts.Whether they choose or chose to do so is up to them and indeed the same applies to the Department of Work and Pensions.

As I commented at the end of that article, no one minds too much if mistakes are corrected quickly, however if anyone is rude or abusive, dismissive or insulting from the outset, none of us will want to help sort a problem. The impression we instantly get and the assumption we immediately form is that nothing will satisfy such a person, so we are inclined to do the minimum to get shot of such people rather than the maximum to assist to resolve things.

This, I believe, applies to all forms of situations, circumstances and relationships, even our personal ones. I believe it applies to our beliefs too - it is all very well to get annoyed about politics or religion (those emotional initial reactions are true and honest to have), but if we want our own views to be heard and considered, we are better off learning to understand opposite views and why they exist. We stand a better chance of reaching a compromise by learning to listen, hearing facts from as other people see them and adjusting our communication to reflect their language so that our  own opinions are more clearly understood. Letting rip and launching into endless criticism is hardly going to work, is it?

An example
When reading one of my followers blogs I became deeply concerned about their safety and well-being. So concerned in fact that, I decided to approach the Time to Change team to see if they could alert whoever to keep an eye on her. It was all I could think of, as I knew full well that I could not and should not get involved. Not only was I considering my own health, but more importantly I felt she needed the security of absolute confidentiality that can only come from professionals sources of help. I simply do not want to risk getting things wrong by trying to advise when I don't know what I am doing - I could compound the problems further by doing so and make them worse.

It turned out that the Time to Change team has much the same view. They suggested contacting Mind or Rethink but again there is little they can do unless we, ourselves turn to them for help. I became extremely angry by this though, because I feel there ought to be more we can do to help. I started thinking along the lines of "Can we not devise a system whereby the police, mental health teams and social services can be alerted to people at risk more easily? Can we not, at the beginning of the 21st Century start to devise a register of vulnerable people to keep an eye on? Can not our intelligence services help in that regard by monitoring discreetly and unobtrusively to prevent people coming to harm?" And then another thought hit me... should we be asking for that?

The opposite of empowerment in my mind is debilitation, restriction, loss of self esteem, self worth, self belief and control of our own lives. Do we want that?  When we consider the risks (dictators, abusers, cruelty, harmful power-mongers), I would say we have to be extremely careful in that regard, even though I believe there is such a thing as safety in numbers. We need to safeguard our rights, liberties and freedoms at all times so a nanny state (one that has rules for everything) is never a wise route to follow to it's ultimate extreme.

My readers retain the right of choice, the right to refuse help unless they are at high risk and, for me that's as it should be. They also retain to right to their privacy so that even professional agencies should not have all details on every aspect of their lives - they only ever need them at all to prevent risk of harm and to be of assistance during times of difficulty.

I ended up attacking the Time to Change team, when in fact they are only doing as I am... their bit toward helping the world edge ever closer to better levels of humanity. This doesn't preclude that other agencies from offering services that are of direct help all those that are vulnerable (thankfully there are lots of them that do just that), but the Time to Change team's aim and role is to do with educating all away from the mindset of stigma and prejudice - for that I remain a staunch supporter of it. What a great sadness it is and a damning indictment on us as human beings, that it should be necessary at all.

I confess I went on the attack due to the level of my passion and concern. But that's fine, because out of it has come a challenge to think about more solutions. I don't have a monopoly on ideas or solutions - far from it - but by putting our heads together, by communicating more, perhaps one day we will collectively find them to be able to collectively put them in action.

One thing seems very clear to me - we each have to work hard to look for the things that can help us through whatever difficulties life chucks at us. We each can help with that and I feel, should help even if it is just acting as signposts to where those vital professional services are. That I think is the  absolute minimum level of support that each of us is could commit to.

Attack is an extremely emotive word, but in a way it is appropriate to use it because injustice and unfairness of any kind can feel like a war against inhumanity - in my opinion our best way to attack is by challenging but to do it in a respectful way and if possible with ideas for solutions. That is something we can all try to do in all our relationships - it's a far less stressful way of approaching differences and the one that is most likely to result in things improving.

With apologies to the Time to Change team and thoughts and best wishes to Nikky44 I can only hope you find the professional help you need asap.

Understanding terms

One of the most alarming things I've heard in my journey through the Mental Health Care system is that it is both 'normal' and 'healthy' not to want to associate with people with mental health problems. Certainly I can quite see how it can seem odd for people to choose to mix with the ill of any description, but such comments do not help overcome the stigma of those of us who are or have been mentally ill.

I found this question posted on Stephen Fry's site: 'Would you employ someone with a mental illness?' Here's another "Would you knowingly choose to marry a person with a mental illness?

Before I give my own answers I'll explain why I think such questions ought to be asked.

They both challenge the person to think of what the term 'mental illness' actually means. Most people will immediately think of dramatic and severe symptoms when asked to define mental illness. 'Behaving oddly' isn't usually sufficient to encapsulate what people's thoughts and feelings are over what such a term means to them.

This 'public' perception of severe cases is common because of sheer ignorance and has been largely promoted by the media albeit unintentionally. On the news we don't hear of success stories of sufferers who, despite their illness, reach heights of astonishing achievements; there isn't a equivalent of the Para Olympics for the mentally ill. What we hear of are the murders.

FACT: Only 3% of all murders in the UK are committed by the mentally ill. That leaves 97% of murders being committed by the 'sane'.

There's an obvious argument here to define all criminals as insane or mentally unwell, after all the one thing they all have in common is that they have been guilty of 'anti-social behaviour' of some kind. I'm personally against such a move as that would only serve to further increase the prejudice against the vast majority of the mentally ill who are more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators. It strikes me right away though that terminology and classification needs revision.

The Arts too have played their part to unwittingly add to the prejudice and fear of the uneducated. Ironic as the intent has generally been to highlight the plight of the mentally ill and educate people. As I mentioned in a previous posting, until the film 'A Beautiful Mind' came out there was no true life story of a person living day to day with an illness, learning to manage their condition and being a success that I'm aware of. However, it's only one film and it isn't up to date with regard to treatments that are available in the here and now in the 21st century and the enormous strides mental health care has made.

How many films about mental illness show patients receiving ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy), lobotomies or insulin injections can you name? Yet all these treatments have been on the decrease since the 1950s. In this country you'd have to beg for a lobotomy and even then you're unlikely to get one. ECT is done with the consent of the patient more often than not and I've not personally heard of anyone other than a diabetic receiving insulin injections. Yet it remains embedded in the public psyche that such treatments are still standard practice and commonplace.

It's also in their perception that success for the mentally ill is something that only artistic people ever achieve and that they can never be well or even manage their condition. I've even heard one person comment that only the deeply disturbed can produce great literature, art, sculpture and music. Films and documentaries about artists such as Vincent Van Gogh or Tchaikovsky demonstrate extreme states and neither have a happy ending for the individual.  I'm frankly not surprised that people throughout the ages have turned to art in order to express themselves in such an unforgiving and judgemental world when it some to mental illness.

Mostly the majority of people who suffer from a mental illness do so once and get better. The majority of sufferers display none of the obvious symptoms that most people associate with madness and out of those who do suffer from those conditions the majority can and do learn to manage and control them themselves with mental health care. Finally, and I'm not sorry to disappoint the sensationalists, the majority of treatments available and most commonly used do not involve those already mentioned and it is standard practice in this country these days to agree a course of treatment with the patient whenever and wherever possible.

I wish people would, of their own volition cease to be ignorant and get informed; ceased to assume and just asked.

I promised my answers and here they are. I would (and have) employed people who have been mentally ill based on their ability to do the job required. I also had to refuse work to someone who was mentally ill because they were too ill and they needed to regain control of their illness. I did however leave the door open for them to return at a later date.

With regard to marrying someone who is mentally ill, I initially found the question harder to answer because I found I didn't want to be a full-time carer. I didn't want a repeat of living with someone as severely ill as my mother was. My perception was based on that but also coloured by the broader mindset that I have grown up  with - that of prejudice against and fear of madness. However, I then realized that by feeling that I then had no right to expect anyone to take me on board to marry me as I too have been mentally ill. 'But I'm not that difficult to get on with' I thought, 'I'm at less risk when I have someone to share my life with.' Yet I knew too that many people would find my lows a burden.

My answer is, if they are right for you and you are right for them then marry because (as I keep saying) the illness is not the person.

A Final Question
Is it abnormal and unhealthy to want to associate with someone who has some other form or illness or impediment? What if they are paraplegic, blind, deaf, have a stomach ulcer, cancer, a heart condition or simply have the flu? If the answer is 'no' it's not abnormal or unhealthy in these scenarios to mix with the ill then surely it is high time it isn't when it comes to mental illness.