Plentiful pastures; new, pleasant and peaceful for everyone

The picture above is of some seeds from a plant we call honesty here in the UK. It strikes us all right now in these troubling times that among our top priorities as human beings is honesty. We find it most with those who know us best so, after much discussion and debate we, the Mindwalking team, have decided to go on holiday to spend more time socialising with loved ones that are known and trusted. Those of us that are most isolated are being supported and encouraged to stick close and follow the advice of their medical teams while always having at least one buddy to chat to. We always check that everyone has.

Our truest friends are the ones who will tell us when we are too ill not to seek help. They argue with us, they drag us to the doctor when we least want to go and tell our doctors things behind our backs when we don't talk to them ourselves... they save our lives. Even doctors themselves don't much like it when their colleagues do the same when they are ill! Our worst enemies are those who have not properly listened to what is really troubling us and usually that includes the biggest of enemies of all... ourselves. When we do not admit to our own faults and failings we can never hope to get well again regardless of whether is a lapse in taking the medications prescribed for a physical illness or a behaviour that is getting in the way of becoming. It makes no difference whatever the illness happens to be. Our behaviours have to adapt with our improving or declining health.

It can be an extremely long process recovering from mental illness. It is never helped by inaccurate information from non-medically trained people but it can be aided by phrases such as 'Thinking of you', 'Rooting for you', and the usual words of 'please', 'thank-you' and 'sorry'. In short the more relaxed and normal you can keep life for anyone who is ill, without over doing things with fuss and pampering and assumptions the more steady and assured their journey to a full recovery gets. Nothing ever should be done to excess and those that fall into that pit often have a long hard climb to any form of what we call freedom. Conversely, those who do too little can have an equally hard battle to engage with the world around them so that they can reach their full potential too.

Little and often is the only truly safe way to do any human activity so that in a sense less effort will always result in richer rewards in the long run even though, paradoxically more effort is always required to achieve your aims. ambitions, dreams and your ultimate goal of health and true happiness.

"Inner peace is as much a creation of your making as it is an understanding of the magical world around us."

To aid you further on your journey to new and peaceful pastures where joys are plentiful and healthy we strongly recommend trying some 'mindfulness' techniques. In essence all they do is help us to relax and be calm. They enable us to connect with our true spirit which as human beings is to live with as little pain and suffering as we can. For many it is how they connect with their own 'soul' or reason for being part of our species. There is an inner deep rooted calm and peace that lies within each of us while we live and go about our daily tasks. Everyone can connect with it, but only the truly intelligent and wise among us make the effort to do so as part of their regular routine. Not everyone who takes up mindfulness has a belief in God, many do not but what it provides is a spirit of what life is and should always be about in the most beautiful, magical and reassuring way. As you are in charge of what switch off techniques you use, you tailor things to fit perfectly.

It is why we recommend you take time out to explore that more than anything else while we take a holiday to do the same. Maybe we'll meet up in those pastures new, plentiful and pleasant. Human imagination is so powerful that we can do any second of any day, anywhere in the world. We hope to see more of you in our healthy and happy dreams which are always peaceful.

An eternity of love from us all and... HAPPY MINDFUL HOLIDAYS! 

Remembrance: Lest we forget

To all who are facing death right now or indeed dying...
we promise

"At the setting of the sun, 

(throughout every night) 

and in the morning 

(throughout every day)

We will remember them... 

(through our best of deeds)." 

With love, patience and tolerance from ALL those who save lives 

but particularly ALL healthcare professionals in this our of darkest hours.

Cognitive Addictive Dissonance

The title of this article sounds heavy going, but fear not. We at Mindwalking are here to make it simple to understand.

Part 1: Addiction

Firstly addiction. Let's look at what nearly everyone across the globe does understand about that word. We understand that people who are addicted find it hard to stop doing the things that they have become unhealthily addicted to. We know that when people reach that stage it takes a lot of time, energy and resources to help them cut back and/or stop depending on what that particular addiction is doing to them to make them unwell.

When medical professionals identify one addiction they know all too well that actually people are talking about many addictions. Addictions to abuse require more and more access to power and money for them to be fed. Addictions to drink, drugs are the same as too are addictions to shopping, gadgets and indeed to acquiring knowledge itself. Addictions to speculation, assumptions and getting the wrong end of the stick ARE the most dangerous of all.

In short, that is why the whole planet is in the state it is currently in because it is part of our nature to always seek to find out more. It is also entirely necessary too for our own survival. It's not the question of knowledge should be broken, it is merely the levels that need to be within reasonable, safe and health limits; and when fact hunter you need to go to the source(s) that knows the most if they have time to tell you (such as your government, universities and especially medical teams right now). Sadly the UK's medical team has zero time for casual enquiries at present, so note your questions down for when you have a genuine need to see them.

We have become addicted to criticising more than addicted to praising people or thanking them; harming or ignoring people more than helping or healing each other and worrying, fearing and doubting rather than thinking, enjoying and trusting each other. The solution we hope now becomes obvious to rectify the problems. We follow the instructions to the letter of medics don't we, when we know they are right. Ah... we don't. That is not to say we shouldn't though. We simply need to try harder to do so given everything else that is fretting us all and getting us into a psychological pickle.

In many ways that ought to be enough and this article should end there but it can't for the very simple reason that everyone is affected and involved at the same time precisely because our gorgeous planet that we call home is at risk.

100 years ago we went to war because we all were pretty much in the same state of fear and panic as we are now. What's changed then? Why are we NOT in a global armed conflict now actually killing each other to the point of total annihilation? Quite simply because we have learnt a few more tricks to prevent that globally speaking.

It is thanks to all the boffins and world leaders at the top of the tree and the United Nations that we are not. It is thanks to everybody trading and sharing information globally that we are not. How much longer can we keep that up though if at the same time the same level of panic, worry, doubt, anger, bitterness and general muck-raking continues?

Sustained overloads of information always lead to mental illness and in most cases from there some form of psychosis. Think about that. By worrying we risk global destruction AND individual madness. "Yeah but, come on, look at the situation, how can we not worry?" we hear you cry.

The answer to that is to get busy with more helpful forms of... addiction; but rather than have merely one or two, vary those and add in a couple of new ones when ready which also help you toward getting rid of the harmful addictions too. Neat, tidy and above all simple except for all the days, weeks and years it takes to practise, practise, practise to get it just right.

We have to start at some point though, so why not today for five minutes and try to make it every day, just for five minutes. Next week or next month you might be able to manage ten minutes a day or even a whole day of just finding things to distract you from YOUR worries to enable YOU to function more calmly to combat YOUR addictions and fears. AND NEVER forget to pat yourself on the back when you have achieved something and ignore everyone who says otherwise, except of course... for properly trained medics.

Another helpful trick is to use 'mantras'. Mantras are merely catchphrases to help us remember what's important to us and to help us focus. There are many forms of mantra, there's the ones reminding us of our principles, morals, ethics and values (often coming under the heading of spirituality or laws) and then there are the daily ones - the practical reminders. Making lists of things to try to do is not quite the same thing although they too can help so long as you don't make such lists too long.

Mantras for practical things are the HOW TO mantras not the WHY mantras. (We know why well enough - to survive and be happy and live in peace). The 'how' mantras are things like "I will stay calm," or "I will take my time to get this right." and one of the most important of all is "I will not worry that I do not complete everything today."

Creditors can and DO wait if you tell them when you can pay them and there are many support agencies and legal teams to help you if they don't take your word for it so long as you are NOT lying about your financial situation. A GP on call and having a busy week attending to emergencies can't always pay their bills on time either - do they worry about it? No, they do not (while well at least), so why should we? So long as everyone does get paid it should never be a problem.

The final trick that often people find helps them the most is to focus on the number of things that are still working at all, in part or... most of all that NEVER get altered or fiddled with. You can also count the number of times others around you HAVE tried to support you as it will help your realise how loved and cared for you are by them, even if they snap at you or nag you sometimes or often!

People find it helpful to research facts before assuming the worst while recovering from mental illness. Sometimes though, that can make things worse as they may hit upon sad news too, as many researching their family trees are discovering right now. When we do such things together and look after each other while doing it; although it is hard work it is (generally speaking) a healthy and healing thing to do but only when people really feel they need to do it, never when they are forced to.

If the result of that is to distress people more then that suggests that those around them would best help by not talking about such things near vulnerable people. Talking about health and politics and climate change and conspiracies in public has always happened, it is therefore merely the volume and the passion that is the ONLY thing that has changed. Tone both down and everything for everyone automatically becomes much more manageable.

Part 2: Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive what? The word cognitive refers to 'thinking'. As ever it's root comes from that 'dead' language that medical teams (among many others) love to use - Latin. They use Latin, not because it's a tradition but because it happens to work so well to help describe complicated concepts quite briefly to save time, so why change it when lives count on it? It strikes us all here that the less we meddle with things that are working the better right now. 'Dissonance' merely means a clash - it might be of ideas, principles, needs and or wants. Many people mislead us all when they say it means 'conflict' as that tends to conjure up ideas of violence for everyone which is far from helpful in our opinion.

Put the two meanings together and we end up with 'thinking clash' - or to put it another way... a problem. WRONG< WRONG WRONG! A thinking clash is what we deal with every day of our lives. "Do I want a cake or a biscuit?" "Do I buy this or that?" "Do I deal with this first or that?"

More crucially it also covers "who needs the most urgent help now?" Which member of your own family, group of friends or work colleagues never gets much attention, never gets thanked. Who gets thanked and praised too much do you think? Is that because of things you don't know anything about?

Without exception the most seriously ill from any ailment do not want endless fuss, monitoring and questions. Nor do they need endless incorrect assumptions, sadly the mentally ill are the only group who never get a break from all of that which explains why 80% of people who suffer one episode of mental illness suffer and more and more. People never stop raking up and abusing them by using the very fact that they have been ill (past tense) against them. We heard rumours that even managers of international charities are not permitted to litter pick on a voluntary basis to help after they've been mentally ill.

With things as they are making donations to charities, collecting money for them is not quite enough to get us out of our global, national or even individual troubles. Any who can do something to help strangers by donating time and skills could well be all we need, so long as they are are prepared to do exactly as instructed. If everyone gave just two hours a month it would be an improvement but realistically we need a few more prepared to give two hours a week or more.

No one should be lonely, homeless, starving or dying of injuries with no medication to keep them out of pain. No one would be either if we all just gave a little more by joining community groups, charities and local initiatives to help. It boils down to what sort of world do we all want to live in. Like anything else, if we want peace and harmony then we ourselves have to put the work in to earn, merit and get it and BE peaceful and harmonious wherever we go and whoever we meet.

We are superb at dealing with thinking clashes and yeah, sure we don't always get things sorted in the right order but the proof that we do sort things lies in the FACT that we are still here; that life continues, that we are not actually in a global war, that people are working on fixing everything by working in teams where they fit best to put their knowledge to the best of use. We are getting there slowly because at least everyone is beginning to be included into every kind of team you can imagine to do their bit. So...

Which team or teams would you fit best in? There are millions to choose from. How about looking for those closest to home first so that you can still have time off with your nearest and dearest and be closest to your own medical team should you need them? It really isn't as hard as people imagine to sort anything at all.

There, and you thought cognitive dissonance was complicated didn't you? For the professional medical teams working in mental health, yes it is but hey... that's they're headache. No one has or is forcing them to work on it are they?

Thankfully psychology, psychiatric and neurology teams are working on it and all aspects of mental health to try to save even more lives and these days, they don't give a fig about who to connect with across the globe to sort it. They used to, but have grown up because they've had to thanks to every mental health patient in the world telling them they've had to (with a lot of help from their supporters of course).

General medicine has been doing the same for much longer, but then it always did have more support. To help ALL medical services, ancillary staff and support agencies to continue to heal us, we just need to tone down on the volume and the aggression, join a group or two to lend a hand. We know that's possible because in two world wars we've done it before when we have most needed to.

To avert a world war or the planet itself dying, all we have to do is... calm down and act... as normal. Best we repeat that we think in bigger type...

"To avert a world war or the planet itself dying,
all we have to do is ... calm down... and act as normal."

"Really? I mean really, Mindwalking team... really? Is that it?"

Yup! Precisely, exactly, absolutely, neatly, tidily... just that. Who would have thought that we had the answer all the time with the phrase "Keep calm and carry on!" (Although if you could manage to help a little with recycling, being polite and cutting down on waste that might help too!)

ALL OUR VERY BEST WISHES FOR A PEACEFUL, LOVING
FESTIVE SEASON.

We hope no one this winter will feel totally alone and it is our deepest hope
and wish that all our readers and contributors are still with us in 2015. 

Oceans of love from the
Mindwalking Team 2014

Postscript: A bit more about the Mindwalking team. All are volunteers - some have mental health problems, some have not. Some are carers, family and friends and some are professional health care workers specialising in mental health and/or other areas. Some are charity workers and some are... people with disabilities who cannot read, write or even move yet over the years we have also included snippets of their stories too. How? Ah well... best to try talking to them yourselves to find that out!

The actual writers are few which remains a shame as we'd still welcome submissions for consideration. If worded carefully enough, it would be just published unaltered but it has to reach and make sense to all our readers at the same time at some level - which is impossible, but we do our best. (Just so you know should you ever fancy a go)!

Finally, feel free to comment. We haven't had one for quite a while now, but then, we've had our troubles and losses too. We never forget our loved ones either and think of them for every article posted. We know that each and everyone of them wanted us to make this a happy, peaceful world as much as we know YOU do too. So... get busy making it happen then! Doh! 

You are a centre... of the universe

My father once gave me a present of an autograph book and his entry in it read "You are a centre; a centre of the universe." Note, he didn't write "the" centre of the universe, only "a" centre. This implies that each person can only ever be the centre to their universe and not the centre to anyone else's.

Hands up if you are there for anyone else 24/7, no matter what the problem might be, however large or small, major or trivial. Any hands up? Take them down, you are lying to yourself and in the process putting your own health at risk. We cannot be there 24/7 for anyone if we are to be well ourselves. We cannot live their lives for them and nor can they do that for us. We each have to have something in reserve for ourselves in order to be able to survive whatever life throws at us. We each have the right, merit and deserve time and space for ourselves to enjoy and engage in our interests, hobbies, aspirations and to deal with our own problems.

I have met so many people who try to be 'people-pleasers' and have been one myself. If we strive to always do anything we can to ingratiate others; to avoid confrontation, to keep the peace, to keep others happy at all costs we end up negating our own needs. This is particularly important to remember to avoid being gaslighted (see last article), undermined and negated by others. When we put others first all the time we start to establish relationships whereby others feel free to use us as a doormat to wipe their shoes on and before long that may end up being all we are to them. By such behaviour we can end up being taken for granted with no respect shown toward us as people or for our own needs.

This doesn't mean we have to be callous, selfish or not be supportive of those we want to help though. It simply means we need to learn the importance of setting our own boundaries (also outlined in an earlier post) and of how to be assertive enough to ensure those boundaries are maintained. It means we need to be honest with ourselves about where our limits lie. Knowing when and where to cut your losses and when to stick by people when they're hurting you or when to tell someone you can't help are all incredibly important to our well-being.

An example of a difficult choice

Since I started to practice putting myself first I have had to make many difficult decisions about who and when to support others. Hardest of all to me was learning to say 'No, sorry I can't help'. Whenever I have done so the other person has to manage and so far at least, they have coped without me. They do so because just like I have had to do in times of trouble, they have found the means by which to survive. They have chosen to do so. Not really surprising as the alternative is so unattractive. It has seldom been a case that I have had to pull away permanently.

It was an extremely bitter pill to swallow to have to recognise my own limits in this way. However, it doesn't mean I stopped caring about those people or that my heart didn't and doesn't still go out to them. I know though that I made the right choice for me in pulling away for the sake of my own well-being at those times.

If I hadn't been that honest with myself I would probably have ended up getting very ill and making matters worse for them as well as myself simply through not knowing how to be of help and not having the energy or commitment to do so. In some cases I have since learned how to be of support for them, and have gone back to them to help but only once I looked after myself first.

Taking time out for yourself isn't always down to having troubles. Everyone has dreams and aspirations; we all have a right to chase them and make time for them. By fulfilling our own needs we become stronger and more able to be of support to others.

These things highlight how vital it is to recognise that you can never be the centre of anyone else's universe. You can only be the centre of your own and do what feels right for you in it at any given point. Yes, it can seem that you are selfish at times, but you may need to be and not just for you but for others too.

Empowerment
There is a danger in being too supportive as doing so can lead to others becoming too dependent on you instead of them learning to cope for themselves. Personally I have developed a passion about helping to empower people which is far better for them and for ourselves. Empowerment puts those you are supporting in control of their own lives. It involves giving them the tools to do so and gives them the freedom of making their own decisions. It's a million miles away from spoon-feeding, advice or 'doing for others'. It enables us to enjoy the same freedoms on our own journey of development instead of leading to feelings of being burdened, obliged to help or of being tied down. Provide farmland with access to water and the farmer can do the rest himself.

You might be disappointed if someone says "no" to giving you a lift to collect a bit of shopping from town, but we need to recognise that the request might come at an awkward time and that constantly saying "yes" does not encourage someone to find a way of making their own way there. They too have to walk away at times, so why turn it into an ordeal to say no? At all times we have to set our boundaries on what we can handle and we should learn to accept that this is the case for others too.

We all have a multitude of different relationships in our lives; family, close friends, acquaintances, colleagues and professional relationships. Each person we know or meet has the potential of being a member of not just one but several of these categories as our relationships develop. A close friend one day may end up being relegated to the level of a mere acquaintance or a professional relationship may blossom into a close friendship or end up marrying you! Not being equipped with a crystal ball, none of us can be certain of anything and in truth nothing is written in stone unless we ourselves carve it there.

For each instance of universes colliding and needs clashing, there is the potential for an equal number of instances of them coinciding and becoming symbiotic for there are millions of people in the world, some of whom will be a source of support for who we are even if others cannot or will not be.

Timing and talking
Getting a balance on helping others and looking after yourself is always going to be an ongoing challenge due to timing. Relationships will always undergo good and bad phases as life continually sets challenges to overcome and I believe we should not expect to be on the same wavelength with anyone during all these phases. It is frequently a question of timing as to whether we receive or can provide assistance.

Anger over people not being there for us in a time of need often escalates. It can lead to feelings of betrayal, rejection and isolation to add to the frustration when people don't respond or don't seem interested in our individual universe. It can hurt and cause damage. Sometimes though, lack of support can be down to us not stating we are in need of it; at others it might be because we have gone to the other extreme of swamping people by offloading our troubles too much when others have difficulties of their own or, they might not know how to help because we don't let them or accept what they can offer.

Support can come in many forms - a friend you might think would be best to turn to for emotional support might not be in a place to offer it, but they might help ease things with some practical aid instead. People can surprise you so that the emotional support you seek could come from someone you didn't expect could provide it.

There are days when I wish we could all do a check-in to see who needs what and from there devise a volunteer list of supporters and 'support services' on offer so we can work as a team to trouble-shoot our way through difficulties. None of us has the monopoly on providing support, but it doesn't mean we can't offer it in some way - even directing people to other sources of help can be invaluable. We are not bad people for acknowledging our limitations; we are wise to do so because we are less likely to cause further damage to others or ourselves when we accept our limits.

Remember that some problems do require professional help and not just on an emotional level. You could for example, end up perpetuating financial problems by trying to sort them for others or even for yourself. Constantly paying someone else's bills does not help them to learn to manage their own money. When we try to go into 'rescuing others mode' we are feeding a need of our own, that of needing to be needed. The trouble with that is it's not properly addressing the feelings of loneliness that are frequently at the root of those needs. Far better to learn to be appreciated for who you are than end up constantly being 'used' by others and taken for granted.

Rescuers and 'people-pleasers' can all too easily be stopping others develop their own strengths. We don't learn to walk by constantly seeking a parent to carry us.

Just as there is a danger of giving too much of ourselves to others, so too is there a danger of being too dismissive when we are progressing with our lives. Be honest, haven't there been times when you've been irritated, upset or annoyed by others not understanding your need to move forward?

An Exercise

Imagine that at long last all your dreams and aspirations are at the brink of coming true; you're excited, elated and happy. Imagine that something comes along to throw a spanner in the works to drag you back and make it all seem out of reach because another person needs your support. Now imagine you at your worst and lowest. How would you want to be told that someone can't help you because they need to make their dream happen?

Perhaps the pledge we should all make is "I will always strive to do my best to care and show support wherever I can when I can in the ways that I can, but recognise that I am not perfect. I accept I will make mistakes and might hurt others even though I will never want or intend to because I own I have limitations and will therefore have to put my needs first sometimes."

It is never easy to strike the balance between our needs and the needs of others, but learning to respect and accept that everyone else is the centre of their own universe does help. Respecting the needs of others can open doors to them respecting yours.

Avoiding total selfishness
It is not uncommon for victims of bullying and abuse to turn into selfish people themselves later on in life. It can take just one significant influential relationship or event in your life to change your perspective on absolutely everything and every one. Make sure the influences upon you are positive ones i.e. ones that empower you but that don't encourage total selfishness or a lack of consideration and respect toward others.

Equally it is not uncommon for people adept in caring for others to seemingly stop caring about anyone at all because they suddenly feel or come to realise that their own needs are not being met. They can feel uncared for and unresponded to in this regard. I firmly believe that bullies and selfish people are troubled people in their own right. They can be victims in disguise and their behaviour can stem from a need to prevent being badly hurt again. Although this helps a little to understand them, it is of no help to their victims. Ever heard the phrase 'attack is the best form of defence'? Selfishness is often just the same. Avid and aggressive abusers are frankly beyond all my powers of understanding, so there I have to draw line on help I am prepared to offer and have to hope that professionals can make some difference if only by keeping them away from potential victims.

Whether verbal or physical, mild or intense, in all cases such things can be complex to unravel to put straight. In such circumstances it is best to seek counselling or psychotherapy of some kind whether you feel yourself becoming selfish/uncaring or are the victim of any form of abuse from others. It is nothing new to the professionals. A counsellor once told me there are only two types of client - victims and bullies. Certainly it is one interpretation of how to look at things, albeit simplistic.

The trick to me seems to be to avoid extremes and to seek a balance. If you are not used to the middle ground of balance you may need help to find it, but it's worthwhile seeking the help to achieve that balance because what's at stake is your well-being, your self-esteem, respect and interest from others, rewarding relationships and ultimately happiness within yourself and an enduring liking of who you are. Well worth the self investment of a bit of counselling I found.

We can all be centres of just our own universe, but unless we are connected to other people's we are unlikely to achieve or enjoy sustained and deep inner peace and happiness.