The symbiotic cure for analysis

It’s a curious thing and a paradox that in order to cure analysis we have to analyse what we do when we are analysing things. Psychology is no exception. A paradox means you have an eternal loop of conflicting ideas.

Symbiotic relationships though are in essence those which do work. Symbiotic means that all sides benefit to their own satisfaction with regard to their needs being met; not wants being met - needs always outrank our desires when it comes to health. Another curious point to make is that we are not always aware of any, never mind all, the successful relationships we have with others that help us to be well. When we are mentally ill this is certainly true.  The fact that someone does deliver the local paper to your door inadvertently can help you access information which could lead to a happier lifestyle which then ends up one day getting reported in the local newspaper is but one example of many symbiotic relationships. It could lead to you seeing a job advert or a social event which makes all the difference to changing your life round for better.

When we look for trouble we will always find what we seek. When we look for illness we become ill because that is what we ‘want’ to find. We automatically want to be right about our suspicions so much that we become self-fulfilling prophesies of our own futures. We simply have to want to be well enough then, right? Sadly it isn’t that simple as real cruelty still pollutes and taints our planet but where does that stem from? Is there a desire to wake up in the morning to be vile to others without so much as a moment’s pause in that goal? The answer is no. Cruelty often stems from hurts sustained and very deep wounds. It might also stem from us genetically but we can never be sure as how people respond and react to us can literally alter the course of our lives. Another perpetual loop except and Catch 22/chicken and egg situation it seems.

If we are born genetically programmed to torture others, then in theory, given that our upbringing is equally as powerful an influence we can program that out of people. On the other side of the equation is the opposite argument that if we are born into a cruel upbringing then genetic advances can help us overcome the natural inclination to hit back via medication. That’s all very well so long as no one mucks things up at a critical point to remind us of our troubles and perhaps that is the one missing link we all need to be most vigilante of.

People generally are not born to be cruel or to torture others, they learn how to do it. If negative behaviour can be learned, then so too can positive behaviour but when do we know that people are truly fit to be trusted again? The answer is at present that we don’t, but does that mean we shouldn’t try to?

Recently in the UK our news channels have been awash with stories of corruption and nasties, from rape and child abuse to corruption from religious groups, governments, media, the world of business, police, councils, community services including the health care provision itself. Is it our true nature as a species to be corrupt? Are we infact nothing more than a cancer upon our own planet destined to always veer toward self-destruction? If so, then no one could know more about how to pull away from self-destruction than those who have felt compelled to try to take their own life. For them to pull away from that option and to do so repeatedly in the vast majority of cases is a testament to their courage and to the fact that mental health care is improving, albeit all too gradually. But why is it? Well because of people like us asking awkward, profound and fundamental questions and beginning to get somewhere with the answers.

The new kid on the block that seems to be making the difference is psychology. Psychologists have one of the most dangerous jobs in the world because unlike psychiatrists, their role is not to identify and treat with pills and potions, but to treat with little more than words (backed up by masses of research and study). We all loathe being subjected to intense scrutiny, that process alone is enough to cause trauma and distress and yet miracles happen and lives are converted from veering toward the cliff edge and the abyss of all things negative and painful to stepping away from the precipice to amble toward all things joyous, happy, positive, empowering, fulfilling and healing. Not only that but they do so in an increasingly safe manner with the aid of a trunk load of tricks in the form of creative outlets. And there is no limit to what forms positive and safe creativity can take.

Example: Writing has been traditionally thought of as beneficial to express emotions. Feelings cannot be transient (passing through us) unless they are let out. Therefore writing poems, stories and journals has so far been a favoured method of helping people. What if though, writing of any kind can help? If writing a report for work, or compile statistics keeps our minds occupied in something productive in a safe way works then do it. It works so long as we never over do it and never over analyse.

The Arts have always been far more forgiving of missed deadlines than the world of business, but it need not remain so if people can remember that health must come first in order to get even business decisions products, services and activities right. Can we not steer our own course in that direction? After all which is preferable, survival or destruction? This applies to companies as much as people for there too what we should be striving toward are symbiotic relationships between the company (which is an inanimate concept, ie a company is not a person) and all those who work for it. That means all who work for it, not just the higher ranks. Leaders are always better served and more profitable when those they lead have the desire to do their best; they tend to struggle when they bully as work is then done begrudgingly with many more mistakes that the staff care less and less about. In other words, be it work or home life, it pays to be more forgiving and compassionate toward others than not as everyone feels happier and achieves more and above all, there is less illness.

The cure of analysis itself is to live a simple life away from that part of it that is detrimental to our health, which is precisely where our regular contributors are right now. We need a simpler life. This does not need mean we will not return.

“Nothing is written in stone until we carve it
there ourselves.”

It's best to be careful as to what we choose to carve and how we do so.

We will leave the door open as to whether or not we will be posting thoughts again on here, so it’s not good bye from us, merely adieu for now. Besides, this site was intended to empower others to do even better than we have. As it stands we only have one more posting before 2014 planned.

To all those who fight to heal, patients and medical staff; researchers and community services...  thank you and good luck. We survive if we can for as long as we can by counting the numbers saved and honouring those we loose. “Tally ho!” from all at Mindwalking.

Response Aware

Much as I would love to, I know I can not change somethings about myself, nor change everything I want to with a wave of a magic wand. Among the 'don't wants' are not wishing to become an automated machine of routine which is quite ironic when one considers how habitual we are all are in our reactions and responses to the world, circumstances and events that affect us.

As we become more conscious of our responses so we start to gain the power of choice over how and what we react to.

It may well be 'natural' to find it aggravating to have someone push in front of you in a queue, when you too are in a hurry, but do you need to spend the day fuming about the incident afterwards? Do you need or want a confrontation with that person when it happens?

The answer sometimes seems to be 'yes' because that person has inadvertently provided you with a vehicle to vent frustration. But the magnitude of that frustration can be routed in something totally unrelated so the poor sod could well find themselves confronted with an angry tirade simply for doing the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong place when you're in the wrong mood to put up with it. In that split second, the last straw snaps and so too do you.

By becoming more aware of how we react and why; how we sell, share, represent and introduce ourselves we take the first step toward learning how we can affect the changes we want to to become that 'dream' person we may have always wanted to be and get closer to reaching our full potential. By recognizing the misplacement of our reactions, or why they may have reached intense levels we take the first step toward finding better coping strategies, better outlets and thereby gain more control of our own futures.

Leaving the Victim Mindset
In counselling this week I confessed to having used the fact that I've been mentally ill for sympathy in the past. I also used it as an excuse in my own mind for not having done something well and have fallen foul of feeling hard done by and that the world owed me some form of compensation for the troubles I've had.

Why should it though? The rest of the world is made up of people who have troubles too, some greater than mine, some lesser. It's natural to have feelings of hurt, disappointment and even betrayal but it does not follow that the world is either to blame or that it should make amends in any way.

If a person is diagnosed with cancer it would be unreasonable to blame the world for it, and the same is true of mental illness. Sure there are factors that don't help. Smoking for puts a person at greater risk of cancer and likewise bullying and abuse can be a factor toward becoming mentally ill, but it's not the whole story. There is a susceptiblity, a genetic factor too because if there wasn't there wouldn't be examples of people who do not let these misfortunes take over their lives.

I know of a case of a rape victim who, instead of allowing that event to prevent her from living her life to the full, became more determined than ever to push herself to embrace it. She did so by diminishing the rape to a one off unpleasant physical experience of no greater impact to her than having a tooth out at the dentist. Such can be the power of our own thought processes. Admittedly it is rare for people to be that strong and that determined but we can all help ourselves by becoming defiant about not letting misfortune interrupting what we were doing.

Just as this rape victim turned her anger over her abuse did, so can a cancer sufferer become angry with the illness instead of the world and so too can we over mental illness become angry with the illness for holding us back.

That said, I still believe much could be done to reduce the risk of suffering of any kind through increased awareness. I advocate only looking at causes of suffering as a means toward developing better strategies to deal with it, both for those who suffer in learning how to cope and for the rest of the world to work toward an ethos of prevention and better levels of recovery. I hope and believe psychology will continue to play a bigger and more proactive part to that end.

As for myself, by admitting out loud that I have unwittingly slipped into 'victim mentality' I have taken the first step toward breaking free of it. When I balls up now, I intend to take ownership of it for just being human and fallible and not attributing it to my having been mentally ill. Sure it would be nice to have a lucky break instead of bad luck but the world doesn't owe me one. I could bemoan how unlucky I've been but by looking at it from a different perspective; that of counting my blessings, I soon realize I am lucky.

What has become apparent to me to make my own circumstances less favourable is how I have dwelt on my own mental illness. I have always sought to be respected for my qualities and character on their own merits but by attributing all my shortcomings so frequently to mental illness I have ended up making a rod for my own back. This has resulted in my being seen as a person of vulnerability, weakness and as a person of perpetual illness which is quite the opposite effect to my original intent.

I had got it into my head that my shortcomings could all be down to my having been ill. I thought that being open about my illness I would earn respect. I thought that by advertising the fact that I have learnt coping strategies for my illness that I would be regarded as a strong person, not a weak one.

When I started this blogsite it was very much to fight the stigma over mental health; to come out in the open and not be ashamed of that history. I don't regret doing that at all, indeed I am proud of myself for having the courage to do it given the level of ignorance and prejudice that still exist over mental illness. However I find I have inadvertently ended up being seen and promoting myself as a person of mental illness rather than a person who has been ill and on occasion sometimes still is.

I find now that I have nothing more to add about my own experiences of mental illness and nothing more to add about mental illness in general. So my change of focus is now to promote and display, the larger part of my existence - that of being well. By concentrating on that I not only hope to get recognition and respect for my character in it's own right on it's own merits, but I will also be increasing the probability of maintaining my mental wellbeing.

From hereon in therefore I will take ownership of my faults without mention of mental illness. Those faults are part of my character; no doubt as much a source of endearment to some as a source of irritation to others. To give an example of how I intend to share who I am in the future, instead of saying "Sorry, I forgot because I'm a bit scatty, because I've got a mental health history." I shall simply say "Sorry, I forgot." The reason for my forgetfulness might be simply because I can be scatty, more commonly it is usually down to being busy with other things like so many others are.

The point is I no longer believe it's right to attribute every reaction, response, emotion, thought or opinion I have to mental illness. Nor do I believe the medical professionals or others should. Some behavioural patterns get established when we are ill but in recovery they are put straight. We must guard against using mental ill health an excuse for everything we feel we are lacking in, thinking, feeling or doing when we are well or how can we claim to have an identity beyond the illness or be well?

I've come to realize I have been living in fear for what has already happened. I was most seriously ill back in 1998 and since that time I have spent an enormous amount of time and effort trying to find ways to guard against being so again. The fact is that I spent more time on monitoring my own health than I spent on just living my life. I think it enough to know the signs, to have the coping strategies to hand and noted - why dwell on them unless or until they are needed?

I think it still a wise precaution to run for an assessment anytime I feel I am at risk, a wise precaution to stick to my medication and have it regularly reviewed but that being sorted I don't need to dwell further. I once had a spate of serious kidney infections and yet I don't spend my energies fretting about another, researching all renal functions and monitoring it everyday. So why should I over my mental wellbeing? My life should consist of just living it shouldn't it?

I'm looking forward to the day when I am just 'being' without feeling any need to justify or explain who or what I am to anyone. I am looking forward to a day when I won't be analyzing everything but know it will take practice to reach that point.

It's an irony that in order to recover and gain a new way of thinking, seeing and responding to the world, we need to analyse what we do and how we have been going about things to be able to affect any change at all. It's not surprising that I have got into analytical habits given how passionately and tirelessly I wanted to ensure no recurrence of illness. I hope that with practice I'll be ditching unhelpful habits and will reach a day when such things rarely need raking over to any great extent again.

I confess to feeling scared of a world in which mental illness isn't ever present in my life as it has been. What am I to do with it? Will I fit in? Will I be able to stop or at least reduce being so analytical having been trained to do so (healthcare professionals take note).

I will never forget what it's like to be mentally ill, but if there is such a thing as compensation for it, then surely it lies in embracing and celebrating life whenever and wherever illness, pain and suffering isn't present; be it a minute, an hour, day, month, year or longer. For however long it lasts it is to be treasured, remembered and built upon. If not being analytical is a ridiculous aspiration, then surely it is of at least equal value to focus on what makes us well and happy.

Learning what the ingredients are involved in making us enjoy life has surely got to be a better way forward.

That then is what I intend to do next, confused and shaky as I am for attempting to let go of my intensive self monitoring for signs of illness. Perhaps being well has something to do with just going with the flow and accepting the ups and downs along the way but never letting either take over our lives to inhibit our ability and need to encounter more in order to learn, grow and develop; ever tweaking the definition of what it is to be ourselves at any given moment.