The Perception of Clear Waters

Imagine you have before you on a breathtakingly hot day ten clear glasses of ten clear liquids, only one of which you can drink safely. Imagine you are a child who cannot read or write, or a person from another culture who cannot understand the labels put beside each glass because they are in a language you cannot decipher. Finally imagine you know nothing of science and have no sense of taste or smell to warn you that nine out of ten of those clear liquids will kill you.

What do you do?

If you don't drink at all you will die but if you do drink the wrong liquid you will also die and in either case the death will be painful and distressing.

In no particular order and with the labels incorrectly placed in some cases, but not all that is what you perceive your challenge to be, The clear glasses contain substances ranging from household items such as white spirit, (used to clean paint brushes) to industrial chemicals like acids and of course pure, nourishing, life giving water itself. More commonly what you actually have before you are 8 or 9 glasses of pure nourishing water but this is where doubt and fear trick us into panic mode.

We can tap each glass to see if the liquids move like water and listen to ascertain if it might sound like it but with no sense of smell or taste there is little more we can do except to wait for another mammal to show us which is safe for us to drink. Even then we would be wise to watch the animal closely to check that they picked the right one.

Life on Earth has always been about fighting to survive and taking appropriate risks to enable survival. We have become so familiar with this process that risk taking itself is in danger of being perceived as being of no risk to us at all. Risks do not change. Only our perception of them does. So the real battle we all have is to be as accurate as we can be about our own perception of the world around us and everything we encounter in it. The good news is that most of the time the very people that everyone fears for being in control are actually helping us to survive.

Governments are like medical teams, they at times have to respond to what makes our societies unwell with sometimes drastic and alarming treatments, which of course none of us like having to swallow. The alternative is ever escalating fear, panic leading to chaos and eventually civil if not global war. Not very appealing and it defeats the primary object of our species which is the same as for any other species - to survive.

All nations want as many people as possible to survive but some seem to be better and sharing why that is the case in nicer ways than others. In effect some trust the intelligence and the self discipline of their nation more than others and with good reason. The more troubled any nation's history is the harder it is for it's leaders to safe guard against more rebellion, turmoil and brutal action and the more interference other nations enter into without consent the more it escalates too. So the solution is quite simple. Calm down and work things through by peaceful means and gain control of the situation together by taking time out when emotions are running high.


The risk of being ill
Many more people in the developed world are becoming ill through fear combined with all the natural normal responses to that fear that occur in every animal species on this planet. In the same breathe that we are wise to dangers and take due care we also end up becoming oblivious to other dangers no less serious to our physical well being.

We know we need comfort to calm us down, so seek it to excess by bombarding medical teams, friends, families, colleagues and strangers. We have also gone overboard with many distraction techniques to cheer us up - from modern gadgets to shopping and art and sport. When that is done we then compare our result with the results others are getting and if they are in receipt of more comfort, attention and reassurance than we are, all too often we sulk, become bad tempered, throw a tantrum and start to demand the same amount as we perceive everyone else is getting for conditions as mild as a grazed knee to truly life threatening conditions such as heart conditions and cancer. It perhaps explains why too, so many become seriously mentally ill when this vicious cycle of behaviour gets established. What really happens to establish all this mayhem though? Why do our perfectly capable brains keep misleading us this way?

The simple answer is that we are merely animals ourselves and that is our basic instincts that we can never counteract completely effectively. They will always seek to bring us back down to our most basic animal behaviours. The instinct to find a mate and breed is only second to finding food and shelter. We are prepared to fight and kill for both. What distinguishes us from other species is our ability to massacre ourselves to get what we want but also, rather more comfortingly, our ability to choose not to and work as a team instead so that everyone can get the basics of what they need to survive and continue our species as designed according to the master plan and blueprints. Where they stem from is also a matter of choice in perception and, as we know all too well a trigger point for many a bitter conflict.

The more complex answer involves not just one science but all sciences that we have today. Here we will focus on just three examples that have hit the news recently, with common reactions to those reports.

• Our hormones send signals to our brains telling it how to behave.
  (Hang on... brains tell hormones what to do, not the other way round... help!)
• Nutrition advise is all rubbish unless you know your own metabolism inside out.
  (Oh poo, I don't what do I do now? HELP!!)
• Strange things called synapses and neurons determine if we can think straight.
  (What are you telling me then... that I'm a waste of effort? HEEEELP!)

It's not that the scientific discoveries are inaccurate - the way they are shared though does get distorted because these things by their nature are extremely complex, so short-hand communication is often used. Hence the above statements are incomplete which leads us all to be curious and seek more information without ever knowing who is the boffin that knows the most on any subject. Bombard them with questions and they cannot do any more work to help us though, can they. When we are calm, we are patient and can wait for updates with ease. When we are distressed or panicking we all too often make matters ever worse for ourselves and the very people there to help us. Our perception of even the simplest scrap of information in highly tense times instantly get distorted precisely because our hormones work WITH our brains and switch to emergency procedure mode of fight or flight.

With regard to food, we are not doing that much wrong really. We can ween ourselves off the major culprits and in most cases that is what any medical team would advise the majority of people to do. Unfortunately too many people assume their metabolism is the rare exception to the rule than is actually the case. If you think about, why would your metabolism be that rare case. Doctors will soon tell you if it is and if it isn't then great, because it's easier to treat as a known problem with known cures is it not?

Some modern food production practices could certainly help us more once science has done it's research to find out which preservatives and flavourings are particularly dangerous and then work through the rest systematically. Many people live to be 100 years old eating all manner of things others say they shouldn't precisely because their bodies can cope remarkably well. Different is never a question of being better or worse; it is merely... different. Getting the right nutrition is only ever going to result in trial and error regardless of whether you see your doctor or not. So why panic?

Brain power
By far the best news of all comes from the mysterious region of research that deals with the understanding our own brains. Increasingly science is learning that we can take ever more control over curing our own thinking and controlling our emotional responses.

This is fabulous news because in essence it means that we can redirect our own synapses (which are like wires that transport signals), to the correct place in the brain. Even better we can also get better control of the neurons (which in essence is the message itself) so that we can all not only cope with fear and danger better but get ever smarter. Think of training neurons in the same way as you would improve your vocabulary or change it to communicate with different people and you're half way there already. We need to be too as we need absolutely everyone's best ideas to ensure we not only rescue our planet from being in danger of running out of resources but also continue to look after it for many centuries to come.

Perception of clear waters is easy when we have the right information and support from others who do know the difference between an acid, white spirit and water. We do not help ourselves by pampering to each others needs to excess nor in seeking such high levels of attention as we have been 24/7. We are far better off stopping and asking our brains this question "Is this situation life threatening this second, minute or in the next hour, week or year?" and "Can it wait just a little until I have rested to think more clearly." More often than not most things can wait. There is no doubt that we are all on high alert for dangers but being on the alert is NOT the same as being in imminent danger. Never confuse the two and all wonderful things are indeed possible.

We can shape our future by what we choose to believe through what we seek to achieve. We at Mindwalking recommend believing in happy outcomes and seeking ways to stay calm enough to never miss the opportunities that are all around us to ensure and secure that future for all.

Postscript:
If you are interested in more information about how our brains work or any part of our bodies, we recommend as a starting point looking for childrens books and websites on these subjects because even the greatest minds in the world often need to read them too to help clear their heads to think straight. We're not sure all boffins will approve of sharing that trade secret, but we know some will be thrilled with us for doing so too! LOL!

Muddling Myths and Diagnosis Dilemmas

There are many forms of treatment for the mentally ill now and a few do not involve medication at all; they require changes to lifestyle and how we approach life. However, it is still more common to need medication of some kind to help start this process off at the very least.

If you think in terms of mental health medication as being in two distinct categories it should help everyone be less afraid of them. There are medications used in an emergency situation, just as you might have if you are whizzed into an Accident and Emergency Department following a life threatening accident or ailment; and there are those used to prevent emergencies and help us to recover from dire events and ailments in our lives.

There is a problem though and that is diagnosis. All too often people who are not qualified at all to diagnose try to do so. Even among mental health care professionals the temptation to say that this person is presenting this symptom therefore they are suffering from this condition is huge and nigh on irresistible. To describe the symptoms to a doctor is the right thing to do, but to tell a doctor in any field of medicine that a patient is suffering from a condition you happen to be familiar with could result in that patient's death. You might think that the more experienced a member of staff is the less this would happen but during our research we have found that sadly archaic attitudes have still not left us even among medical staff.

The most common complaint of all from the mentally ill is that their thoughts and feelings have not be correctly relayed to their psychiatrist at all, and there are even examples of test results not reaching them either. This is alarming in the extreme as how can any doctor in any field of medicine be expected to diagnose and prescribe accurately if they do not have the correct information to do so? The effect on their patients is one of anger, frustration and a lack of faith and trust not only that they will be diagnosed correctly, but that they can ever be cured. There is fear that if they show such feelings they will be subjected to even more medication that is unwarranted too.

Luckily there are many diary entry and mood chart devices to help avert this happening and in the UK at least there are organisations like Mind, Rethink, Saneline and PALS for patients to find an advocate if things do go wrong. There is also the Care Quality Commission and (albeit only a handful) solicitors who specialise in representing the mentally ill. Such processes add to stress levels rather than alleviate them and things can be further complicated when the condition the patient suffers from is some form of paranoia or delusion.Additionally cases of misdiagnosis for the mentally ill can be long standing if their conditions are never reviewed. What was modern medicine 50 years ago is not the latest thing now. Shockingly due to time constraints and particularly since the recent 'austerity drive' it is all too easy for a patient seeing a new psychiatrist being assumed to suffer from the same condition as their last episode. With physical ailments we seldom have this happen unless it is for conditions such as cancer, but even then no one assumes the cancer to be in the same place, the same type or to be affecting the patient in necessarily the same way.

Patients are seldom aware of any discussion over whether their brains are misfiring due to predominantly genetic, physiological or environmental conditions, but in all cases patients can learn to manage their own health if supported sufficiently well. It will still mean a life-time in care in some cases, but for most it could well lead to a fully functioning life.

This is where we at Mindwalking firmly believe mental health care professionals need to change. A broken arm sustained as child does not lead to everyone assuming the arm is still broken once deemed healed, but a mental health condition on your files will remain uppermost on your files even if you need no medication at all. This leads to many a human resource professional and manager treating the mentally ill unfairly, denying them work in the first place or treating them as fantasists if they report problems or in any way become emotional.

Different situations cause different illnesses and given that mental health covers such a vast spectrum of maladies it seems rather odd that this attitude has not changed yet. The mentally ill have enough to contend with regarding strangers, colleagues at work, friends and family trying to diagnose them with no training whatsoever without mental health teams themselves being lazy or assuming goodness knows what. There are dreadful cases of deaths being caused because such professionals missed signs of brain tumours, brain injury, autism and many other easily identifiable conditions were it not for the assumption that they already knew what the condition was before they started and therefore the patient never got referred for the appropriate tests or to the appropriate specialist.

It can seem at times like a miracle that patients get diagnosed and prescribed correctly at all but as the decades roll by more and more mentally ill patients thankfully are. The reasons behind this are:

1. Patients are speaking out more for themselves
2. They have advocates to protect them and their rights
3. There is greater awareness of all manner of symptoms and conditions
4. Psychiatrists confer more and more with psychologists
5. Psychiatrists and neurologists are learning more about how the human brain functions
6. Medications are becoming more refined to have just the right effect on precisely the right bit of the brain
7. Medications are beginning to become less addictive and with fewer side effects
8. Many more patients than ever before are able to cope with lower doses because of complementary therapies which leads to greater success in diagnosis for others
9. Psychologists and mental health care staff are becoming more aware of the traumatic effect treatment regimes themselves can have on the mentally ill
10. Awareness of what is happening in these illnesses from those directly involved with mental illness is ever increasing.

Sadly we are still waiting for the rest of the human race to catch up with all of this. It takes years of some of the toughest and most intense training imaginable to become a psychiatrist, psychologist or neurologists so why does everyone else think they could possibly know more or better than they do? The answer lies in that part of our brain that houses our nagging doubts. It's the 'what if' pest again (see previous post last month). Yes, medical teams can and sometimes do miss things which is why it is always important to keep talking to them. If you don't tell a GP that you vomit morning, noon and night and go into see them complaining that your neck hurts, what are they likely to look at, your neck or your digestive system? Mental health conditions are notoriously difficult to diagnose precisely because the same symptoms can be present in very different health problems - hence why a person in a rage might be a victim of crime, a perpetrator of crime, bereaved, have learning difficulties, a brain tumour or a long-term mental health condition.

Please, do yourselves and mental health teams a favour (especially the psychiatrists and psychologists) assume nothing, keep sharing your symptoms and take their advice just as you would for any other form of malady.

It remains an absolute truth that to help both prevent any illness as well as aid any recovery fresh food, exercise, sleep, relaxation and laughter will always pay dividends in the end but the greatest comfort of all for the mentally ill are people who believe them to be able to be well, do things and to share their experiences with not least what they can and do accomplish so regularly and so bravely.

Transferring you

"Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another. One definition of transference is "the inappropriate repetition in the present of a relationship that was important in a person's childhood." Another definition is "the redirection of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object." Still another definition is "a reproduction of emotions relating to repressed experiences, especially of childhood, and the substitution of another person ... for the original object of the repressed impulses." Transference was first described by Sigmund Freud, who acknowledged its importance for psychoanalysis for better understanding of the patient's feelings." SOURCE: Wikipedia

Rightly or wrongly, and to put this term in psychology into lay man's terms, I prefer to think of transference in terms of all the myriad of assumptions we all make about others. The most important thing to remember about anyone, and following on from 'You are a Centre' is that we can never know everything about anyone. It's not only that we don't have their personalities, reactions, thoughts, feelings and behaviours; we also don't have their histories of experiences. Even identical times vary in their reactions to the exact same upbringing.

We relate to others by recognising what we know of ourselves. This is great when it comes to things we find we have in common, but it can lead to all sorts of trouble when it comes to meeting new people or when there are differences of opinion and behaviour. In lieu of vital information everyone is at least prone to filling in the gaps based on our experiences of 'types' of people, 'types' of behaviour and 'types' of communication. In short, we make assumptions which are seldom based on facts.


"To 'assume' is to make an ASS out of U and ME" is a phrase I came across many years ago. Even now I have to remind myself at times not to make assumptions about others and either ask or wait for more information to be forthcoming. Sometimes that information never materialises, so that all I can reasonably do is act according to the basic facts I do know and in doing so try to remain non-judgemental, impartial and respectful.


The acceptance of not knowing basic information is rarely easy to achieve. As individuals it is always helpful to know where we stand with others; to know what their situation is, how they are feeling and what they are thinking. It can greatly aid how we communicate with them. For example, a manager might need to instruct a member of staff that they'd like them to undertake new responsibilities, but either the timing or how that is phrased can (and in my view should) be shaped by where and who that staff member is at that time. Would they welcome the challenge or fear it? Best not to assume.


Assumptions can not only make things awkward and difficult, but they can even become incredibly damaging. Gossips thrive on assumptions. Whenever you hear phrases like "they're jealous", "they're attention seekers" or "they're control freaks" etc, be careful. Such phrases are not statements of fact, but of personal opinion, far better to add "I think" before all such phrases to take ownership of those opinions. That way it soon becomes clear whether or not gossips have a good word to say about anyone. Equally this applies to seemingly positive phrases such as "they're brave", "they're amazing," or "they're a survivor" as it can lead to unrealistic expectations of individuals and the false concept that that person never has any need of support or is invincible. While it may be true some of the time, it is unlikely to be true all of the time.


Both imply a variety of personality characteristics which can be unfair, unjustified, unhelpful and in some instances damaging. What if the person you think to be jealous isn't at all? What if that brave person needs your help? The assumptions we make about others and the opinions we hold and express say far more about us than they ever will about the person they are referring to.


I am not against all forms of gossiping as it can be helpful to release tension and to inform people to raise a concern over another person's well-being, but ownership of what are our feelings is I believe, always advisable. When we make assumptions about others we are imposing (or transferring) our thoughts about them. We are seldom accurate and often completely wrong due to the lack of facts. Even when we are right we are not them so if we happen to correctly observe that someone is sad, angry, tense, elated, happy, ambitious or anything else it is to be remembered that they are in their way and not in the same way as we would be if we were experiencing those emotions. We can never be them so therefore we can never be completely right about them. Yet transferring our interpretation onto someone else is common to all of us; it's natural, normal and in many instances is a healthy thing to do.


When we hear of someone we care about on the receiving end of a disappointment we automatically draw upon our own memories of what disappoint feels like to empathise with them. If you imagine your brain to be a library of files of information about emotions, thoughts and behaviours we soon come to realise how vast that depository of information is. Even under the 'disappointment section' an infinite variety of variations are possible. The disappointment over not getting a job is different from the disappointment at not securing an item on eBay, not being asked out by someone we're smitten by or of spilling tomato sauce down you. Depending on which is most important to you at the time the experience can change and so too can the level of importance you place on it. If that's true of you, it is also true of everyone else.


In "Sometimes being strong means letting go" I cited how I was protecting myself and coming up with a contingency plan should my house move not go ahead. It's now not going to and yes I am disappointed but this doesn't mean that I have been in floods of tears. Others might be in such a situation, but if so they will be for a variety of reasons which have not been factors of my set of circumstances. I have been angry by how that dream/ambition got shattered but over all I feel relieved because to go through with it could have ended up with me buying a money-pit of trouble.


This illustrates just how only knowing a single fact can limit our understanding and our ability to say or do anything that is supportive of those we care about. Negative feelings can be helpful to help us to adjust and recover, but in order to maintain our health it is wise to remind ourselves of where the boundaries of fact and fiction lie and not to feed the negative emotions beyond their usefulness.


It is wise to guard against transferring what our reactions would be to another person's situation. When we make statements such as "they're brave" or "they're jealous" what we are actually doing is seeing them through our eyes, imposing our values on their behaviour and their way of communicating. We are putting ourselves in their shoes but as ourselves, not as them. What might seem to be an act of bravery to us, is rarely what that person regards as bravery. What you might get jealous about is probably not what others get jealous over. Demonstrating a degree of empathy through drawing upon our own experiences can be a positive thing, but it is always subject to the pitfall of simply not being that person. Their behaviour is not yours and nor are their thoughts or feelings.


In most situations it is useful to think about how we would feel, think and behave in someone else's circumstances as it can help us to become considerate, understanding and supportive so long as we never forgot to listen for how that individual wants to respond to that situation; so long as we remain respectful of their choice in what they want to do. There are exceptions though. Any parent set upon preventing their child from trying to scale a tree branch that would never hold their weight is one, as are any and all circumstances that have the potential to put a person's safety in jeopardy. On the other hand a parent trying to prevent their teenage son or daughter trying to pursue a career they are passionate about... perhaps not.


As with all things regarding relationships, they stand a better chance of becoming more rewarding through sharing information than not, if handled with sensitivity and respect.


Arguably the most valuable use of transference is when we apply it to prevent causing ourselves harm.  By asking ourselves "would we do to others what we are doing to ourselves," can be a very revealing question to consider. Would we harm others, torture others with stress and worry, not bother to find help for those we love or even a stranger? Would we be happy about them being bullied or a victim of abuse? If the answer is 'no' to when it comes to others, we should never permit such things for ourselves and wherever possible, prevent it.


In my experience of working with the mentally ill it is alarming how much damage sufferers cause themselves in this regard. Not wanting to worry, distress or 'be a burden' to loved ones is common. It was evident in abundance in my mother's illness but the effect was that I was all the more distressed because I didn't know what troubled her and therefore could do next to nothing to help. How could I or anyone even know where to begin without that basic information?


People can surprise you with the support they can offer and are willing to offer if you give them the opportunity to do so. Yes, you have to be careful about who you trust to protect your safety, but that's why I feel it's all the more important to try to inform many rather than rely on one person. It doesn't mean you have to tell everyone everything though, but I believe there is safety in letting several people know if you are experiencing any difficulty. It is also far more likely to result in doors opening for any ambitions you are trying to achieve.


None of us are superhuman and in my opinion, no one should ever expect either themselves or others to be infallible. However, by learning to become aware of our assumptions and the difference between the circumstances which make them useful and those which are unhelpful to ourselves and others we can help both. In the process we can take major steps toward becoming a person others respect and value to have around if we choose to be considerate and understanding. Most of all it can help prevent the pitfall of all manner of relationship problems as well as spiralling toward dangerous levels of paranoia for ourselves.


For this reason, I advocate assumption (or presumption) awareness (as I choose to call it) as a means to prevent not only damage to others, but also to ourselves. I recommend always taking ownership of our own opinions, but allow that they may be wrong or may need to change in the light of new facts emerging. Be prepared to change your mind when new information becomes available and most of all, I recommend taking a step back from any difficult or emotional situation and look upon them all as much as possible with an objective eye, independent of all the circumstances and the people involved. Ask, "How would a stranger look on this if they heard from all those involved."


This is a phenomenal ability, tool and skill to acquire and is worth the investment of learning to master it as I've discovered it to be invaluable to help me in just about every situation and relationship of my life. It's not to say I don't forget sometimes, but using assumption awareness has already saved me from slipping into serious bouts of depression and as a bonus has greatly enhanced the relationships with others that I value most. You too, I firmly believe can do the same regardless of whether you have ever suffered mental illness or not.


PS: Please don't assume I am an authority on anything though. I am merely able to articulate my opinions to a certain degree! Such as been one of the benefits from what I call 'learning assumption awareness'.